Today marks the ninth year of your new life. The ninth year since you became my guardian and protector. The amulet beside my heart. The unseen cloak of protection. I would give up all the riches and wealth in the world if only it meant I could see you one last time. If only it meant you could hold me, like only a mother can hold her child. I sit here, tears streaming down my face wondering what if? What if you hadn't had to leave? What if you could have stayed with me, helped me through my hard times. Would I have made you proud? Have I made you proud? I wish you were here longer. Long enough to teach me how you brighten up the room on even your darkest days, to teach me how you love until it hurts so much, that there is no longer any hurt left to feel, only love.
No words can describe how much it hurts not to have you near me, and I wouldn't wish such a distressing loss on my worst enemy. Today nine years ago was the first time I mustered up the courage to come and visit you in hospital, and today nine years ago was the last time I was to cross paths with my birth mother. The image of you sitting on a blue leather arm chair, sick, dying, emaciated, yellow - but strong, even in the face of all adversity will burn in my mind forever. You were, are and always will be the strongest person I know, my hero - everything that I am or hope to become I owe to you. I was so lucky to have a mother like you, even if for a short while. You never gave up on me, even before I was born you fought for me, you risked your life so you could have me, and against all odds - here I am nineteen years later writing you this letter, hoping that someway or somehow you will read it.
You are the most incredible and inspiring woman I have ever met and I owe you everything! I love you with all my heart and I miss you with every fibre of my being. You are and always will be my angel.
Infinite love and prayers coming your way - wherever you are!
Your daughter.
-N.H x
-N.H x
